Hello?! Hello world?

Bunch of odd shit in my head...

Well, today has actually been a decent day! I'm posting this because I actually feel like writing, and I have no interest in sleep yet. My wife is reading to our son, and I spent time telling him how to use weapon kits in games like Medal Of Honor and Modern Warfare 2.

But here are a few things on my mind today:

1. What would you think if you read this, about me starting a weekly post about my life, starting from what I remember? Would you read it?

2. I would like to start finding time to post odd shit news. Things like odd science, paranormal, and other funny/awkward stuff.

3. I will start posting ideas for games, not necessarily ones that I am going to do, but just ideas to bounce them off of people.

Either way, I'm oddly not in the mood to write right now, but I'm gonna go smoke and come back and see if I can focus.

Middleware... 80's Music...

Im my honest opinion there is a few things on my mind that I have to set the record straight about things Ive said on twitter recently.

1. Middleware games: To me, a middleware game is one that isn't quite up to par where it should be for the price. For example, Bulletstorm and Homecoming. Yep, I just called Bulletstorm middleware at the 60$ price tag. If it would have been 40$ I don't think I would have been so damn disappointed in it overall. It's a great concept, but it's not close to what I thought it would be based on interviews, videos and other media. It has a few things going for it, but overall it would have been a hell of a steal for 40$. I've not played Homecoming yet, but based on Frontlines: Fuel of war, I knew to wait for reviews. Its not that Kaos is a bad studio, but it's a studio that is stuck with a middleware publisher.

THQ does have some damn good games and series' that it puts out, (Red Faction, original destroy all humans, Metro 2033, STALKER, Saints Row) but they seem to be making games that are playing catch up. This isn't a bad thing, just kinda sad. There are times when I look at Saints Row 2 and I know that in some ways its much better than GTA IV, and Red Faction the original is damn good even to this day. But their games seem to either seem to be somewhat fresh, licensed titles, or playing catch up. While there are some damn good titles like RF: Guerrilla and Saints Row 2, there are many, many titles that are not... Good. But keep in mind that every publisher has games that are flops, mediocre hits, and down right shit games. EVERY PUBLISHER HAS THIS ISSUE.

There are other studios out there that do mostly "middleware" titles, but I know for a fact that in some cases they cannot afford to sell it at even 50$ because there would be no black at the end of the year. Just lots and lots of red, no matter how many copies they sold. There are times where a company knows, deeply knows, they are putting a flawed, or imperfect title that has a heart of gold on the shelf... For 60$ that some gamers will have an issue with spending, but others whom understand that while not a "AAA" title, it is still damn good.

While we like to bitch and moan that we are nickeled and dimed to death... We still pay. The same for other "proven" franchises. COD, Halo, Madden, Need For Speed, and others that will pop into your head instantly. These games that have been released on an annual or even semi annual calender are going to shit. I honestly believe that like Guitar Hero, these series that we are all yearning for are going to burn out quickly. I know I can say some nasty things about Black Ops, Halo, and a few others... But its my opinion, and I plan on skipping the games that I'm sick of. But there has to be a point where even a publisher has to realize before the series has been dumped by gamers that over saturation is an issue. If we were able to have a 2-3 year break between some of these titles, studios could polish and create games that are good, and not outright hated after awhile. Look, I know studios need to put out games to make money, but there comes a time where quality should be more important than millions of Benjamin's in the fucking bank. Especially when these 1 year dev cycles mean broken games from the launch.

I'm not going to list the problems I and some series' have had, we all know what they are. From broken stories to broken or completely unplayable multiplayer out of the box. EVERY GOD DAMN GAME WILL HAVE BUGS AND GLITCHES. But that does not mean you have the right to ship a buggy title, you have the right and responsibility to push back a release date if you expect gamers to purchase your title. I'm sick of buying new games and either having them be busted or have a god damn title update. Buying a game used to mean popping it in and what you bought is what you got. In a way, I agree with people who say that there should be a limit on title updates per year, because if you cant fix it the first time, you might never.

If I was to do a multiplayer game, either MP only or a game with SP/MP I'm going to beta test. And if the beta crashes, I'm going to dig and figure out what the fuck broke. Crysis 2 is a perfect example. Some people had a blast, others like me... had shitty connections and crappy gameplay because of it. If I was an average gamer, i'd say the game is shit and give up on it. I'm waiting for reviews from players, then I might purchase it. But I want MK9 more. :D

But this comes to a damn good point: If your going to make games, make them worth buying. If you know your going to have one shot at something, don't fuck it up. Homefront is a damn good example. Look, a 5 hour campaign isn't a bad thing, it can be 5 hours, but feel like 10... in a good way. But a 5 hour campaign that has nothing interesting to do or say... Wow. You dropped the ball no matter the length. At least it wasn't 23 hrs long and was fucking wave after wave of the same enemies, and no plot.

But... I've rambled a bit here.

2. 80's music

I guess it's because I'm a child of the 80's, but I'll be god damned if this music doesn't lift my mood for no good reason. I've been cranking out the 80's pop like it's going out of style for the last few days and... I've decided that I think while it would be impossible to go back and have modern artists do 80's tunes... I want to find modern artists that are similar to the 80's. Goofy I know, but damn it.

Songs like Ghostbusters, She's like the wind, Shout, and thousands more just make me feel good. They can raise my mood quicker than anything. I wonder if it's because of the music reminding me of my somewhat decent childhood with my mom and brothers, or if its something else.

But I'm exhausted, so I'm clocking out. Sorry if this is retarded or something.

About what this is...

I will be upfront. This blog will be about games, music, some movies and books... But about me mostly, whats going on, why I am feeling what I am etc. This is an extension of my Twitter account, so people don't freak out or worry if I have a posting like I did earlier. I have problems like everyone one else in this fucked up, psychotic world. But I'm tired of resting on my heels, tired of freaking out every time something comes down the pipeline that might be remotely bad.

Right now, I've had a fucked up, stupidly crazy, bad day. I got pissed at the world, especially to everyone in the closest vicinity to me. I feel bad for part of what I said, but some of it... I meant every fucking word. Yes, I cuss, yes I do it often. Fuck you if you can't handle some adult language every now and then.

I don't mean to come off as a psycho, it just happens a lot of the time. People don't understand me, don't understand my mindset, my world outlook. I feel useless and dumb, and above all... Lonely a lot of the time. It's not because my wife and son don't make me happy, they do. Its something that I've dealt with since my early, early childhood. It might be a life long depression, but it feels somehow... Deeper than that. There are times that I swear that I was conceived in loneliness, and it passed onto me. But I'm sure as fuck not blaming my parents. Its the world around me that has helped shape me into who I am. And lots of bad choices on my end. Lots. I will be the first to admit to bad choices equal a bad time, but sometimes bad choices lead to good things.

I think mostly at this point in my life, I don't know what the fuck I need or want to be as close to happy as I can be. I have a nice TV, a good family, and I'm not dead. My life goes spiraling out of control and I can't retain what was pushing me onwards to succeed or even gets me up in the morning. I just have that way. Something goes wrong, either in reality or in my head and I just quit. I stop working on shit, stop dreaming, stop enjoying things. This is one of the sickest things about being me. I will hate and give up at the drop of a hat, in a blink of an eye. I hate everything and nothing, all at the same time. Does that even make sense? It does to me. It makes the cycle of loneliness start over and over again. I want it to stop, but don't know how to make it. So I live with it.

I... I just wish I had people that I knew without a doubt will never leave me, never wall me off. Ever. Everyone I have ever loved has left me in some way, some for awhile, some... Forever. You cannot bring the dead back to life...

I try though. That's what makes me different from a lot of people that I know, live with, or reside next to. I'm in a shit hole of a town, the heart of Amish country in Ohio... And I hate it. It's one of the most bigoted, ignorant, backwater hellholes north of the Mason-Dixon Line. Fuck me, it's like the advancements of the 90's never occurred, and we're all living in this dreamy, there are no blacks, Hispanic, or Asian people in the world, much less county. I have seen Amish people, normal people, and even tourists back away from the few blacks that visit or live here when in stores, restaurants, and other public places. WHAT THE FUCK?

Either way, my now daily headache is getting worse, and I'm wanting to check out a few other sites before I take a nap.